Bittersweet life

As I sit here I can't help but to feel guilty... The guilt is settling heavy on me, the reason behind it is because this evening Alivia woke up crying now mind you that she has been sleeping through the night for several months now. I don't feel guilty because she woke up, I feel guilty because ever since the day she was born I couldn't wait until she slept through the night. Now she woke up and all she wanted me to do was rock her back to sleep, she laid her sweet head on my shoulder and fell right asleep. I couldn't help but to just keep rocking even after knowing she was already dreaming. I held on to her just as I held on to that moment.

I hate that I had wished she would grow up faster just because I wanted to get a good nights sleep. Now I wish that she would wake me up just to be given the chance to cuddle with my baby girl who seems to be on the go all the time.

Even within the past week alone she has changed. She no longer does the Army crawl she picked it up one day and now is crawling like a big girl. We have our races with no finish lines but "I'm gonna get you" can always make her go faster. She would much rather feed herself with 'her' bottle and jar foods are a thing of the past we want finger food, save the spoons for babies!

She always has been a show stopper out in public, she smiles at EVERY passing person. I think she has her own personal Operation Beautiful going on that she hasn't told anyone about. Now she not only smiles but she waves. She can point at her nose, momma's nose and probably your nose. The Puppy Chow commercials come on and she points saying Daw-ddy (not to be mistaken for Da-Da or Daddy, it's doggy).

This beautiful child of mine is blossoming before my eyes and quicker than the speed of light. Where has all this time gone? I can't imagine my life without her. It's no denying that life before her was quite simpler but I have grown to love this not so simple life and that is okay with me. From this day I will learn to cherish EVERY single moment and I will no longer wish she was just a little bit older to benefit my sleeping habits or any habits at that.